Meditation

I used to meditate 45 minutes to an hour every single day for about 2 years, from 2017 to 2019, but then I fell off. I started meditating sporadically after not meditating for 6 months, and that just wasn't working out for me. I struggled and have been continuing to struggle to consistently meditate. That is a problem.

Meditation is an incredible endeavour, it can help a person in a lot of ways but that is not something that will be discussed because yes it can help someone but that is not the point to fully draw into. Meditation is to help grow the awareness one has, and that is sorta what I am aiming for. My awareness of the existence of myself, and the world around me is pathetically weak. I also have a huge lack of focus and commitment to any one thing.

That is one of the biggest focuses of this website to showcase the growth and shortcomings of myself.

The goal now is to go through the application Tinkered Mind. It is currently not available to the public, but it will be available soon. I will also be making posts on my progress.

I will be doing the lessons available in the app, until I finish them all. Next update will be next week on how things are going, if I am progressing in the manner in which I should be, struggles etc.

Let's just say that I have vastly failed at this, I meditated around 7 minutes this past week. It was really just because I don't want to. I don't want to do it, because then I have to sit in silence and face myself. That is a scary thing, because I feel like I have some trust and vulnerability fears and issues that would arise as well as some other things that I may not even know about.

We will go a bit harder starting this week and actually you know put in effort... Actually do the task at hand. I feel as though meditation is something one can hide away, where as my working out project is front and center and visible on my body.

Meditation was abundant this week, meaning I did it. I actually meditated every day of the week. My back still hurts when I meditate the proper way, but alas practice will take that away. What I ended up doing is meditating sitting in the "proper" posture, as well as then meditating in a more comfortable posture for me, because I still want to put the time in and improve my ability to face myself, as well as just improve my concentration portion of my practice.

This week I meditated for 2 hours 57 minutes - I still need to meditate today, so that will bring it up to roughly 3 hours and 30 minutes. I use this randomizer feature in Tinkered Mind to pick my time for me, this way it spices things up and their can be anticipation for the end, because the end could be 30 minutes or 45 minutes or anything in between. It makes the practice more effective. If this is a feature you would be excited to use tweet at Tinkered Mind.

The practice of meditation is going okay, I find myself getting distracted and lost in thought quiet a bit, or more accurately I am aware I am lost in thought and typically struggle to pull myself out of it to focus on a single thing to build up my concentration practice, but that is okay. As long as awareness is arising and noticing what is happening, that is a big net positive. That is the goal of meditation, to notice what is happening and bear witness to it. This is all in the hopes of having that awareness and witnessing increasing, until it is just there and happening. This is overly simplified but that is really what I am aiming for, just to notice and witness.

I would be lying if I said I don't wish to intervene and change things within, but that will come with time I think. As long the actions are being done, I am sure that something will happen, the only thing I can do is prepare by doing the work.