Thoughts Of Contemplation

I’ve been feeling very depressed over the past week and this happens nearly every year. Usually it lasts a few weeks and it happens like a cycle every year. I think the to do with meditation tbh, they say that the cycle you go through the first time though the path is the way it’ll constantly reappear and the cycle keeps going. Anyways because of the depression like state, I pull always from everyone and ask myself what is going on, then ask what do I want etc etc. Is this the life I want? This year the question is that and what does it mean to be successful. I run a decently successful business but I feel resentful of it, and of customers/clients. I feel like a failure, that nothing is working or going right. That I am alone, and it’s me against the world. It’s why I swapped my background picture to itachi standing in the rain. The idea of burning all my bridges and completely shattering everything I’ve built appears in my mind as if that will solve everything. Guess what? It won’t, it won’t solve anything. Suffering will haunt me every single day regardless of that retarded action. I can feel how much I want to ruin my life, all with this belief that it is the right course of action. So I ask myself, what is my definition of success? And how does that impact my life and it’s the reason I don’t feel successful. I just listened to Tony Robbin on a podcast, and he said something that was useful and interesting which was something along the lines of our internal state is what the world will be. My internal state is a war, a war against myself and the world. That is an extremely dangerous situation and place to be in. It’ll lead to an outrageous outcome. Now the other part of it is that this feeling of isolation as well as how I feel like I am not successful will impact me poorly. So what should I do? I don’t know, but this is what is going inside me. Complete side note: I should add a search and context feature to this site for myself. War against the world is a terrible state. Writing this was helpful. What do I care about more than myself? I don’t know. I do know I care about myself which I guess is something.

We Will Pay Myself! I WILL PAY MYSELF! Standards ● ● One walk per day outside (2,000 steps) - ideal 10,000 steps ● 2 minutes of trampolining ● 2 minutes indoor cycling (morning) ● 2 minutes of stretching daily (morning) ● 2 minutes of meditation (morning) ● 2 minutes of foot exercises (morning) Write down the work to do for tomorrow the night before ● Health BIG: Bench press 225 MTG1: Bench Press 175 pounds by 6/1/2026. MTG2: Bench Press 200 pounds by 12/31/2026. Daily Process: ● Daily 30 pushups Gym working out (7-11am) on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Business BIG: Earn a combined $325,000 annual by 12/31/2026. MTG1: $200,000 prebooked by 6/1/2026 MTG2: $325,000 paid by 12/31/2026 ● Daily Process: ● 5 follow up calls for people who have received a quote 1-2 Authentic Outbound outreaches at 10:30AM, via email to businesses. Sleep & Nutrition Nutrition: ● ● Meal Prep at least 10 meals a week on Sunday morning Incorporate These Foods: Apple Cider Vinegar, Coconut Oil, Raw Honey, Eggs, Quality Shrimp, beef liver, beef heart, brewers yeast, bone in meat, mushrooms My MAXIMUM wake up time is now 9am. Ideal is 7am. I will put my phone on the other side of the room and not oversleep. ● This means for 7 and a half hours of sleep my maximum bedtime is 12:00AM. Ideal bedtime is 11:00PM or earlier. At 10:30pm I will prepare for bed at all costs. At 10pm I should be logging off or thinking about logging off. I will shower+brush after dinner before I do anything at night so I can go right to bed when I’m ready

Today I spent the day playing league of legends after doing a single take down of some Christmas Lights, which went really well. It felt really nice to play all day without being stressed about work, so instead of playing video games AND working at the same time, I simply did one thing. One thing! That is so insanely important, I am realizing me doing so many things, at the same time makes me feel drained. It makes me feel so dead. Now just doing one thing at a time has felt refreshing oddly refreshing. So I am glad that this change has happened. ALSO I'm a god in Bronze league of legends, we are killing it - that is a whole other thing. Also moving out feels stressful. I am finally moving out in Jan 15th, my parents keep trying to buy me everything I need but I want to stumble upon those things and figure out what my style is. Most likely it'll be thrift store, that will be my style but I hope to find some really nice things and build a life. I need to plot out some other takedowns as well, 2 more locations left and the biggest takedown will take 2 days. WOOT WOOT. Thank you for reading