I’ve been feeling very depressed over the past week and this happens nearly every year. Usually it lasts a few weeks and it happens like a cycle every year. I think the to do with meditation tbh, they say that the cycle you go through the first time though the path is the way it’ll constantly reappear and the cycle keeps going. Anyways because of the depression like state, I pull always from everyone and ask myself what is going on, then ask what do I want etc etc. Is this the life I want? This year the question is that and what does it mean to be successful. I run a decently successful business but I feel resentful of it, and of customers/clients. I feel like a failure, that nothing is working or going right. That I am alone, and it’s me against the world. It’s why I swapped my background picture to itachi standing in the rain. The idea of burning all my bridges and completely shattering everything I’ve built appears in my mind as if that will solve everything. Guess what? It won’t, it won’t solve anything. Suffering will haunt me every single day regardless of that retarded action. I can feel how much I want to ruin my life, all with this belief that it is the right course of action. So I ask myself, what is my definition of success? And how does that impact my life and it’s the reason I don’t feel successful. I just listened to Tony Robbin on a podcast, and he said something that was useful and interesting which was something along the lines of our internal state is what the world will be. My internal state is a war, a war against myself and the world. That is an extremely dangerous situation and place to be in. It’ll lead to an outrageous outcome. Now the other part of it is that this feeling of isolation as well as how I feel like I am not successful will impact me poorly. So what should I do? I don’t know, but this is what is going inside me. Complete side note: I should add a search and context feature to this site for myself. War against the world is a terrible state. Writing this was helpful. What do I care about more than myself? I don’t know. I do know I care about myself which I guess is something.